then

The streets of my life
Empty, awaiting trial at life’s doors
Death shall answer my questions maybe
When I shall close my eyes
But then I shall miss
All I felt around me,
All that are felt since I’ve loved you
The street lights on my way back home at two
The wind blowing on my face
The distance I cover in the hour of my journey
Some odd kilometers, as if 23 miles extended forever
I know you, I know you know it
Of  how I feel without you
I shall refrain from telling you as long as I can
How my heart burns in your absence
I shall not speak, utter a sigh
I’ll walk silently along
I will wish forever to walk with only you
I see you in ever blink and stare
Soon when I shall quit
Living was over then, now the existence that remains
I’ll just smile at the sky
If I should take my plunge into the valley of death
You won’t cry maybe, maybe you will
I’ll carry a tear when I go
But my heart shall pray to keep you smiling.

Walk your way

If I ever saw the wildest orchid,
I'd pass by
If life's joy await on my way,
I'd walk by
If The sea shall bring me pearls and precious things,
I'd ignore it's calling
If the songbird sings in tune some spring morning,
I'd be deaf
If the world was at my feet, I'd be alone
If the minutes were to stop and go at my will,
I'd stop wearing a watch
If I see your shadow pass by my,
I'll carry it in my hands, protect it from the ground
Be the road where your shadow falls,
And if you ever stop to look beside
I'll hide, hide myself,
hide my eyes, not look up to your face
Unworthy of your glance, this heart of mine,
I think
Since it's got no room left to love you a little more,
Filled to the brim with you
Walk on, along your way,
Life calls you, I am loser in dismay
I'll smell the wind touching you by
The essence it carries, the presence it felt
I'll breathe in it a life time, before I die.

Dearest tiger

Do you know what you are to me?
How you influence my life,
All that you say and do,
How I await your calling.

You touch my life like life itself,
Never ever can another soul ever access,
My first thought, my last thought,
And all the ones between are you.

Never leave my side,
Never let go, Never be afar,
My life shall be a peril,
Every second of you absence hurts.

Make me breathe, make me feel alive,
The way you do with your presence at times,
Beyond any reason or doubt,
For you I'll wait, Forever.


You know tiger I love you, and how much, I know you like to be mischevious, I love you for that but then my heart is growing weaker day by day.

My call

Call me, destiny
Take me away, away from my sorrowful punishment
Apart from all that disturbs me
Clear away from feelings of down

Isolate me, Imprison me
The choices I make as human
Am i not the only lesser mortal
Seeking for a contradiction

Tire me, Retire me
So I don't follow suit
Of the ones who loved, heroes
All dead, those

I refrain from meeting
My Armageddon called loss
Wherefore my heart shall go cold
Free of feelings of man

Here is the reviewed one 

Touch My Dreams 

Well here it is 

Return to sender

The ways of the world
Stranger to comprehend
Mix like oil and water
Underneath the skin we are just another mortal
However we pretend, unchangeable
Human, vulnerable, easily conquered
This heart of our's at love's doorstep
Sent away by it,
Sent away for reasons unknown
While it turned around, the heart let a tear drop
For the first time I saw a heart cry
Transfixed I reached out and touched it
I shared the pain of its woe
Asked him to let go,
Said life is long and love far
Someday it would arrive at his door
Leave the sentiment from where it arose
I was left speechless by question he threw
Turning around he asked me
Did you?

My chotu Cousins and Me and Ahmed

Us, Me, Ahmed and Manoj.

Mom,The first most beautiful woman in my life who loves me so much that I am always iritated, and when she is not around I miss her yelling and nagging.

My old Pictures

Manoj, Mom and me

Solitude

woe
gentle as death's approach,
Silent as the flowing river undercurrents
the danger reckons my shattered soul
To lose my life
To live in a grave i call my world
with silver walls, diamond floors
Prison
Blanketing my worried mind
with more unthought of by another mortal
To exist in the quadrangle of misey
Parting
Our's , her and me,
Seperate ways, for me a lone road
Her's I do not know
Missing her

Absent Arrival

Prominence
Of the silver moon, a starless night
The moon in solitude, isolation
The wind blows a chill down my spine
My strength now crumbles down
Deep in the anxious mind, now in anxiety
Unable to move, paralyzed at heart
My Sleepless eyes,await a dawn, your's
Empty horizon, faintly glows
The sun shall arrive, fairly soon
Another day shall pass in angst
Locked away in my prison of thoughts, your's
The smell of the rain drops, on your hair
The touch f your glance
The perilous absence of your voice
Beyond torment
Beyond pain, and above it your absence, ruthless
I still can see you, painted in my eyes
Something for me to smile then !

Apocalyptic Synapse

Tangential views
Of freedom from longing,
My mind imprisoned, in love
Justice done, for all the times spent in wrongs
Which I've maybe done, somewhere, past, past life
If I shall be trapped in this loneliness without you
I am contented living a few days more then
But in your thoughts alone, alone
Lucid? I disagree fate is to me
Yours to change
All my reasons are you
All I wanted was you
Shall I live in solitude
As a punishment for tasting the fruit of love
That I have for you
That you try to not have for me
Should I look at the world
See it look isolated and in desolation? I will
Not that you subscribe to it the same
I do, I want to,
I want to be in pain
It feels home, comfortable,
I breathe you, You are all I can see,
Deep within the heart and soul of mine
I crave your voice, your presence
Can I let go ever? your thoughts, your ways, your words
Some that hurt me like no one can
The way they soothe me like no God can?
I can't I refute what they say, humans they say
All I want, all I know, all my cries, is you
My road to the apocalyptic syanpse.



There is something in relation to this on my other site
http://nair-ritz.blogspot.com/2005/03/apocalyptic-synapse.html

My blog site for life
http://nair-ritz.blogspot.com

Beyond The Mist

When the waves lash against the hull,
Amidst the rocks, laden with sea borers,
That have destroyed the rock from within,
Just a matter of time till they sand
Just before the sun rise,
Looking eastward,
The mist shows a dances a frail
Creating images of you in play
You in the cradle of my love for you
I reach out my hand to touch the mist
It just seems to move farther away
Like a mad man on some psychedelic drug
I rejoice in the colours,of scattered sun's rays
Soon the morning shall pass
Willfully,mourn your absence,
I do so uncontrolably
Perseverance in loving
Love taught man, made him
patience, no longer an alien to me
As much as isolation no longer is
Someday maybe beyond the misty veil
I shall find my course of love
I'll follow it again
Only if it leads your way
Only yours.

Why does that say that as well????????

Meter

Like Gryphon

Meadow flowers, fresh green, colorful
Symphonies of the gentle breeze
Just like you, in the world of my life
you are, omnipresent, like some god

When the waters are still, they are you
When they turn violent, they are so much of you
When the storm comes, wiping out life
So much you, so much frighteningly lovely

Like you are crafted beautifully
Death itself incarnated as you
To kill me in desolation
Isolation, loneliness and all

Beyond the realms of love's shadow
To pull myself together, shattered
Thinking of some bluefin Tuna
Fleeting the seas, beautiful

How I try to be distracted
To make my mind chase some dreams in crayons,
Oranges and reds and blues and yellows
While your absence adds colours to my life of black and white

I just wish to fade
Like a Gryphon, you are a myth they say
You don't exist, as unto them
As you do, As much as you do, unto me.

A Salmon's life.

Unafraid, like a mind without one
Out of it, sensibly insane, mad they say
To counter the current, to flow upstream
The salmons do too, are they mad even

To look at life from the rooftop
Is it that I follow suit
Yours, your way, shall I not tingle my senses
In knowing the idiocracies of love

Shall I not drive a knife of pain through
My heart, soul and memories that I have
To turn back and returning, to love again
Like the new born salmons, retrning upstream

They swim up to spawn life, die in the act
Sacrifice, the true form of existence
Shall I not taste that aprodisiac
Intoxicate mself, to forget, to laugh like mad

You should try, swim upstream
With one, unforgiving as the salmon's waterfall
You'll know how, you'll know why
I know why now, now I know how, Now I know to love.

The wake up call

I watch out the heavens,
Shimmering at first light of the morning sun,
Bathed in the morning's mist,
Some thought, pretty, strong, unending loops,
To fight with the conscience deeply hid,
Beneath the play of folly, lost in love, torment,
Shadows of the past emerge, sublimely fortell,
Shout at length, only to disappear,
Counter the fight, they do counter it,
Of strength displayed, a false play,
Smiling, hiding the woes behind the veil of it,
Like a crooked byzantine game,
Played on self, like all life's play,
To lose, to win, to lose again,
Just to breathe easy, knowing I'm human,
I uncessantly walk on playing,
In some auburn eyes, in some pink skies,
Finding reasons, displaying sentiments,
Of all things, all in vain,
The magic around, grows on me,
Telling me to let go, I choose not to,
My mind, trapped like a rat, in strange,
Strangely in wonderland, high on a drug like feeling,
Joy they call it,Wake up and laugh, life calls me.

Old Patch

The pond full of pebbles
Cast by the shore visitors
The water shimmers, though choked,
The pond still bears its name,
Nothing can change its existence,
Like a big hole in the middle of the rice filelds,
All since I've known,
Nothing still has.
Seasons have come and go,
The cranes still flock their season,
Fish there though not much is left,
Thy still stop by in rememberance,
We don't bathe there any more,
The water is too less to swim they say,
I still frequent there,
To toss a pebble or two.

Tiger Tiger

Beside the stream if you sit, on some lonely road,
Untread by any soul since long,
undiscovered, like knowing the joys of pain,
When you realize how beautiful those small joys were,
Haunting me, waiting for me in the woods,
Like a man eater, a tiger, I say,
The thought pounces on me,
Rips me to shreds, eats my heart,
I am alive, profound pain, I cry,
wishing to be rid of it, wish to wake up,
The nightmare is my dream,
It hurts but sweetly so,
The yellow and black stripes glow,
In the sunny morning of my dreamland,
I feel the mystic eyes,they stare, make me conscious,
I wish to look away, I tremble at its glance,
I give in, give up, surrender,
It lets me escape, like sand through fingers held loose,
Of the pseudo self, imagination, matter over mind,
Without a cause, i am a rebel,
I know what to do, I still go on, follow suit,
Breaking free of all sanity, practicality,reality,
Into a frame, divided, dangerous,
My mind now dead from constant hurt,
I now am avictim of my own thought process,
It grows, she grows on me.

Impending

Inevitable doom,
I embrace you,
Open heart, whole heartedly,
Look into my eyes,
Melt me in your presence,
Tell me you are mine,
Make me fight you,
In every pore, every drop of blood,
Fight me for my life,
I won't come with you, I refuse,
I am stronger at heart I know,
I am on a drug I call life,
Protected by the shield of my will to live,
I'm not afraid of dying,
Nor am I in hatred of you,
I'll await your arrival when I call you,
Untill then.......

Fright

The nights are spent,
awake, not a single wink,
The eyelids never touch each other,
I lie down staring at you in the picture,
I fear of losing,
So i dare not to blink,
I long to hear you,
Cold and awake,
My heart longs to be pacified,
If your presence does it, god get it done,
If your angry words,then hurt me,
I long to be mesmerised by you,
As long as I breathe,
Stay, in my memories atleast.

Adrift

White, washes ashore on the yellow sand,
Makes it wet, as if to give life to it,
You drift into my day sometimes,
Just to remind me of my life,
With stars on a lonely night,
I sit beneath the sky counting them,
I Connect them writing your name,
That's all I have, your name,
That's etched into my soul,
Like a picture, a timeless moment,
I stare, I don't look anymore,lost,
Into the sunset, the birds fly,
I await for another day to come,
To know you,
To love you a little more,
I hold on to the shambles of my life,
In hopes of smiling, seeing you,
Smiling, erasing my tears,
Healing my emptiness,
Just by your existence,
In the frame of my life.

Awaiting Trial

Mournful sorrow,
We all have known,
Stillness,
The heart's gentle glow,
Of thoughts as alienated as water to the desert,
Dries away the tears of the lone mind,
Dead as a mind in coma,
Alive without a reason nor feelings,
To briefly disturb our mind,
Entrapped in a prison of our own,
Wailing to be rid of pains of belonging,
To evade the reasons of knowing,
Of meanings and meaninglessness of life,
Pains of remorse, some of justice,
Some of applied thought,
Some of strange hope,
Of someone,
Now a stranger,
Release me from the bonds of life,
They way you did from the bonds of felt,
I await trial, on your behalf,
Can't see you punished.