Exiting Rosemont.

I am at the crossroads again
Like the past the choice is made
One end goes to my road to be rode
The other that the mind wants to hold
Twenty years ago almost
I had the choice made for me
It’s been made for me again this time
And again I am compelled to choose otherwise
On one side is my world where I can be free
Far from the devices that tie me
The other a routine
Just another frame for my existence
This side loneliness, unknown and pain
And the journey I take is to the light
A thing of joy to most souls
But happiness is what I abhor
Will this be a homecoming?
Or will it be a walk where I leave my self behind
I still can feel the 5th of December
The day my I felt at home in Rosemont.

Farthest

When I stopped to compare
Your absence and the skies above
The distance seemed to be insignificant
And found the sky touching my feet.

So I thought to compare
The sun and the earth that stands great
And I could just blink and touch the sun
Compared to missing you here

So I thought of the heavens
How further is god, since he is unseen?
I feel in heaven when I hear you speak
Maybe that distance is still short then

So I found it hard to compare
The sky, the sun, heaven seemed nothing
For I could go the distance bare feet
Just to see that you are smiling.

If the woe that I hide shall unravel
And you see this heart bleed, just look away
Like you always did, and pray to be forgiven
Walk along like you are in your world
And If you shall wait to see, close your eyes
Watch me writhe in agony
Ignore me, walk on
Like you were blind
If you stop to ask
Why does this heart bleed, touch yours
Ask yours, what you are to me
You shall know that my soul is second to loving you

Etched in deep meanings

If to walk this earth alone, shall I forever be condemned
And that when I shall pass, all I walk on shall be barren
Into the glorious world that everyone who sees
My eyes are just tinted with these haunting miseries
My original sin that I loved
And that has now borne fruit, unlike those that bring joys
I speak to the empty walls of my heart
Everything about me, an antithesis
Where one finds laughter, I find hurt
The soul now an empty aura of nothingness
And I am bound to like in this existence
When I raise my arms to the skies
Even the wind refuses to touch my palms
And the soil beneath, fails to take me in her arms
The spring bears no bloom in my garden
The brook where I once waited, now dried
The birds seem to never visit, not a robin, not a crow in sight
Nothing has been the same, nothing has changed past that
The moment you left, the last glimpse of you I caught
The will to smile followed you, as you wandered off
In a chance meeting, if you see it, just send it to me
Just point towards my direction
for the wind shall know that you thought of me
And it shall touch me, passing by.

Purpose

Mounds of sand, nothing alive for miles
Like Atacama, nothing but nothing all surround
Futile, yet the heart chased a thirst
Found an oasis, crawled to it, and breathed its last
With open eyes, peering into that mirage
Like so many of the same it had witnessed and walked to
And all that walk ever did was weaken that thirst bearer
Causing its demise, its fall
A lifeless body, it’s back to the heavens
In death too, staring into the oasis
As if wishing the mirage shall move
And in a way bring life back
For the heart that doomed itself
Foolish it seems, yet the heart could never think
There was a purpose it was made
A purpose it should have learnt to understand
And give up, when it sees so many around
It is to love, break, bleed and die
============================================================
this one is to you.. and i hope it is not as pathetic as the rest of what i have written.

An Evening to remember.

An evening to remember
Of the downy flake, and the time spent
In mesmerized overtones, in silent agreement
Acceptance of the inevitable
Should I have been cautious to tread
Into the unknown realm of your mystic existence
Confined to your chains of wishes
Heed your calling, even wait for one
And the night seems to grow strong
Morning; just is too far away, seemingly endless the darkness
What should it be, a smile or a sigh
That you are in my timeless mind
Or in a mindless time, existing like drops of oil on water
Never to mix, yet shades it to a rainbow
My heart longs, the mind has given up
It’s caught in this stalemate
Somewhere between their standoff is my soul searching for me
One that was offered at the first gaze
Lest should I cease to breathe
Offer me nothing, not even a care
Let me roam, unsettled, like a ghost
Let me be there where we walked together
And walk that trail

let me

Let me fall into the sky
And be amongst the birds that fly, soar
But hold me from drifting away
When the storm cloud rises, and the lightning cracks the skies
Let me float endlessly
In the ocean so blue, where the fish swim
Be the anchor that holds me
Steady and still in the unforgiving waves
When you think of me, wave in the breeze
Your essence shall touch me
Keep me warm in your thoughts
Comfort me, when this heart misses you
If you pass me by, perchance that I be blind
Your scent shall let me know
That I am still alive, I shall smile
Knowing you are well
In discomfort, if one shall slip past my prayers
Should it visit you, send it to me
I shall welcome it, down on bended knees
And after all, if I am alone, and you lost to time
I shall look back, to the lake, to the path you walked on
Sear my soul to cast your imagery
Warm my hands, in the flame of your memories

Blur

I can’t understand
Why this heart longs for you
And if I have to know, it’s been beyond feelings
Scorched, dried and turned to ash it has been
And then you change it
Would you be here , just to mock my love
Have my sins been so grave that I shall be tormented forever
If so why does this heart long for this endless pain
To run away from you and to you am back again
All this while that you fade
Into the dark skies of the night
And wake me up each morning
To crave, to hear you speak, of the weather, of the land, anything
And then to fade again
This heart has called out to you
It has known pain, of losing, of missing
Did you only mend it, give it life
Only to bleed it again?
In my complete surrender
Did I commit my gravest mistake?
The mind that has been stirred
Is at unrest, awaiting a glimpse,
If only; a glimpse of you.

A while has passed, since you passed my way
and the moment seems so strong , the mind holds on
Casting nothing but a glow of loneliness and dismay
Hear my calling , come my way
Far too long have these days been
and seeming less silence in my ears
they just await one voice, yours, so serene, a fabric of warmth
cover me with those words again
Inside this heart , i harbour your absence
The storm of your absence , wailing in the heart, now hollow
I have known what pain could be, I have been dead for long
you brought me back to life, life hurts again
Confer to me a wish to feel your gentle touch,
Confer to me to see your gentle smile
For i have seen it once, and this greed for living years .

Solitude has perseverance
And it is catches up quick,
I look, I run but I can only do so much
‘You’ I and the ‘I’ you that left me behind
Which side is the winning line?
Which side is to lose?
Where will I stand if I have to choose?
Shall I dance to my loss for the ones I love have won?
Shall I cry to realize that they wouldn’t care less?
Your dogma, your perception
Your ramblings and musings
Your minds, a cage with a dying bird
My mind a dead cavern, without even that
And when our worlds collide
I shall gently bow down and let you pass first
For all I need to know is you are safe
And all I care is if you can smile

My Path.

Beware that you may step
Into a realm of uneasiness
Into pain and sorrows unknown
And if you shall ask, who left your hand
When you turn back and see you are lone
Ask not me, for you have become me
One, lost , never to be found

The first bee that would arrive, shalt despise
If you were a flower
The first spring shall leave you a bud
And stay shut to your self
The eye of a lover shall always ignore ye
And so shall the other flowers
And you shall just wilt
In the eve at the set

The first rain drop shall dry, abhor your existence
If ye were the earth
The herds shall never graze
For no grass shalt grow on thine
And parched shall ye be in this flood
And none shalt quench thy thirst
And you shalt be called cursed
Deemed unfit for love and life

If ye decides to follow thy heart
And follow it must one should
But remember the offspring that are borne
In a fertile mind are rarely understood
Some shall be your undoing
Some shall be your pain
Some shall break your heart
And some may scorch your soul

Pity no one shall
Nor shall I account
For you walked the stony path
That I walked once alone
If I see ye over the corner weeping in dismay
I shall walk over, warm your hands
And simply walk away
This loneliness is my curse and it shall always be
For this is mine and only mine
For this is all I have.