My Errs

blink, catch the world , yours
in convenient times, and then rattle the memories, stay
remain in a motionless state, die
and whisper to the earth what you missed
you were never young, never old, never the new born
you were never a company missed
you are still now, not that anyone cares
not that any needs are not met
why do the need you, he is old enough now
he was the day he kicked his heels and said goodbye
and spilt his toxins country wide,
die, don?t wait up on me, already
you die now Mother Earth, you die.

It must have been her

Thoughts

 
 

Curls unfurl, the winds blow , she turns

She looks my way, I stay still

And she asks me , are you in love with me?

I say "no, I cannot"

She walks further, she looks back again, "do u really love me?"

I say "no, I wish I could"

She walks further away, now feeling a little lone

"Do you really not love me?"

I ask, "if I say yes shall you walk with me , Without a question, without a sound Where I shall carry you?"

"Yes " she said, "I shall, but who are you"

"I am death, I have come for you"

I could see the pink on her face stay, unlike mortals I have seen prior

"You are not afraid of me dear" I ask,

She walked to me, "I love you, for you shall take me with you , today or tomorrow, unlike mortals"

I smiled, carried her home, forever

And when the wind calls....

I heard her calling, over the mountains
The valleys echoed her gentle voice
my sleep was stirred , my eyes opened
when her voice touched my eyes like a gentle feather

it had been since long
I felt the thirst , I wanted a drink of her sight
gathering myself I visited the river side
again the wind had tricked me.

Since she left I have been lost
I search her for finding myself somehow
sometimes in joy and sometimes in pain
I cry , tear less

This is me

Words that touch, move, remind,reminiscent of gone by, they hurt
and your memories arrive, find me
remind me of pain and fade, like the winds touch and go
and i wake in my open eyed sleep

Long gone Spring

Red, like the shade of my own flows
under my skin, the sun sets across
the night falls, its chill piercing my soul
and I curl into myself under the black sky

I yearn for her touch, her voice, her smell
and I feel the pain in my heart
like a thousand needles
inching through my skin

only to scrape it, the sweat then would make it burn the next day
and remind me of my pains of yesterday
only to bring me more of such trauma
of loving a passing spring flower

and then one day I shall lay
on my back, open eyes, not anymore blink
and call out in a silent inaudible cry
that time it shall be the eye, stoned in your waiting

The Fires of yesterday

I was back again, from where I had run away
the dream had put me back, like a stone thrown somewhere
against its will and destiny
A familiar place, I tried to hide beneath the bushes
I smelt the fumes, I knew what was in the fire
my dreams, they were my dreams that were burning
of a stranger I had looked in the eye and had eyed all my life
the same on who walked out, why did she
my answerers were mine to choose
for her trail were lined with the flames
flames of my passion for her
they would burn brighter , each second I remembered her
like to burn away my presence only to save me again and again,
the dream had brought back my fears,
I lived it again, and i knew it shall be back to haunt
and I shall pay heed, of hurting myself,
and i shall be unable to resist
my falling for her again.

Amongst that

I still wander there in the hopes
Where finding you is never felt
But the lament of heart keeps my perusal alive
When I walk the countryside now
Seeing the mist trail
Somehow they swirl
Like you tread through them, and ran
Hid amongst the mountainside
Or maybe by the lake
Sometimes the winds shall blow the mist away
I wish they don’t and the mist stays
For your only form of presence left visible now
Where my imagination is in rendition
Amongst the old mist trail

In the twilight

In a twilight, when I was alone, sitting in the darkness
Like the loneliness had forever captured made me its slave
I saw a face looking into my home,
Searching something in its darkness
I felt I knew her, I tried gnawing at my past
But it wasn’t , but it felt so known
Amongst the fog lit doorway I saw a face
I was transfixed, like a spell was cast
You called my name, I forgot mine at that
I wanted to reach out, touch that face
i woke up, I still try to find that dream

lost in his forest of thoughts.

Animesh this is for you
=========================================
Lost in his forest of thoughts.
=========================================
He walked through the forest,
His new found land a place in his mind
Kept hidden away from the world’s sight
he is king, the lone ruler, his kingdom without a boundary
he has ruled since he was a child
the hair grey , shows weariness, his forehead wrinkled
his eyes still smile, catch yours, transfix them
and then he laughs sometimes, into the empty night
talks to it, I guess he is mad
I still don’t agree to my guess though, I admit his sanity
He lived his way, hurt, alone, in sad
but you can never tell, he never told you
he didn’t tell me, but I watched him as I grew

He died today, in his sleep
he was holding an envelope, the money he owed
I was tired of declining so I drove to pick it up
I read a note attached, “brother here is yours “,
“I cannot go with dues at hand.”
I felt my heart sink in my chest
Poor brother Ani had died
now his soul is lost,
lost in his forest of thoughts.

Spring wait

What shall I say in the spring?
When the yellow shall spread itself on the green
And open up as a flower
Amongst the wilderness
And the earth shall show us that there is hope
After the bad winter
And when the snow shall melt shall it flood my garden
Will those icicles on my window melt?
And give way to the incoming breeze
So richly laden with the smell of her
Like the last time she visited
But would she touch the flowers in my garden again
And would she smile and enchant the trees and the wind
Where would she dance, which part of the garden, would she dance all over
And spin and cast a spell over all
And then will I wait for another coming
Of her next spring
These are my questions
I ask the wind and the sun these

Absence and like

Some words melt the time
The fabric of it between us together
The distance that I have between my old memories and new
Where the world dissolves
And covers me in a liquid frenzy of unknown color
Where on waters wade you
And you kick in it, splash it
Little swan
So white so gentle
An untrue representation of you that I portray


When shall I wake up and feel you missing forever
And recover from my age old illness of longing
Of missing you, of wanting one I cannot have
Of the mild heavenly feeling that you instill
Like a drug entering my brain
Hallucinating
When shall I kill the craving and realize
That you are gone away for good


Shall I live on in this solitude?
Desperation for the glimpse of you
And then hate myself over for playing the fool
Or shall I bleed, the very life out of me
Like this and then end up as curled in my pit of agony
Of lifelessness and loneliness
I seek not love any more, I think, I say
But the truth shall remain
The hurt is deep, imprinted, engraved
In my soul, a hurt of missing you

Black tinted glass

When I shall pass by the stepping stones of your home
I shall call your name, scream my heart out
but it shall be the voice of my heart
and I know the winds shall bring me your essence
Which wanders there, a haunting, for me
but you have left me, rendered me to dust in your heart
I can roll up the glass, tinted windows of my car
and I shall speed away, away from your home
and then I shall stop far away, LOOK at the road
and think of you again,
for I feel so lone,
amongst the crowd I call my own
when you left me behind you took a part of me away
the part that felt each breath it took , the pulse of my vein
here I am trapped in this isolation behind my heart's tinted windows

She shall never be alone

The granite in October
The rose beside her on the seat
Gifted by her long gone lover
Dried, fallen from her old diary
In the twilight she stares into the open road
Meandering, all over the mountain,
over looking the valley, she over looking
Losing the faith she had in love
Lost labor of love
Her lashes hold a tear drop
She doesn’t weep she said to me on the phone
I stare at her, from far while I speak to her
She is afraid to open her heart to me
Afraid she may seek refuge in me
One she rejected a long time ago
I still stand in her life
Like the pillars of a burned oil rig
Caught in a fire, off shore
But it still remains
A memory to the lives of those lost in it
Like it, I stand in her life
But she will not look towards me
I complain not, not to her, not to anyone
But I know she knows my love
I know she misses me somewhere
But I stay on as a friend
She shall not cry, and never alone
For I have know the pain of love.

tell me

And what shall I live by,
shall it be those moments I spent in uncertainty
of loving you
or shall I live amongst the memories
where I was with you
both I treasure
both better than the other
one was for you and one with
in the joy.

Idle in July

RB this one's to tell you something. Half the times I read the stuff on your site i feel like i dont need to read much of it to feel it cos i feel like i am expressing what i feel like inside. I bow to you, you are my benchmark for writing now.

This one is for you.

Idle in July
==========================
the water on her hands, every drop
i watch them falling
splatter on to the granite seat
in the part, the tin roof overhead
where i saw her first
like some unsung poem
a serenade of life,
How it would have been mine
Demeaned by the parting
Now,
somewhere where her feet splashes
Water of the puddle
In the rains this july
Where her hunger for passion is met
And she held by her lover shall dance
In the same rain
The very one that wets the earth i smell
I stretch my hand touch those droplets
Like a madman, try to hold one
It's past, its gone, faded
My heart still aches
The thorn of memory
I let out a wail
Calling you name
The rain water covers my cry.

Explode

I float , into my own mind
dark, still and no remorse
drifting into lands of my creations
of what seemed like an unimaginative mind

like wading through a slush of my own thoughts
viscous and murky
i breathe into me but i seem dying
seem to sink deeper into the

i watch the world blur
through my eyelashes
filled in the slime of my pain
i wait laying on my back in the depths

His roof leaks

wise chinese said,wise men said
joe said and fred said
to him nothing matters
his roof leaks
the rains have shown his hope is lost
his roof leaks
the sun used to shine through, positive way out
but now the roof leaks
he couldn't fix it then
nor can he now
his patience has worn out
because his roof leaks
without money, without bread
he has battled deat by starvation countlessly
but now he is hurt
says God's indifferent
His roof leaks
he really needs an angel
and he seems like Gods' forgotten
his roof leaks
his floor wet,
no place to sleep
nowhere to curl into himself
to kill the pain of his stomach that he does
no fire place to keep him warm
the stove has given up too
his roof leak
she still watches the stars at night
God i need you today
to look at his complaints
or the measure to assist.

Who Else But me

linger

My back against the crumbling wall
I ponder, window open, glass broken
Where the grass gently sways
And brings the beetle to drink dew
Somewhere the wind rustles
Leaves, dead, blow it around, brownish grey
Some decayed, some plain dry
The wind whistles me a haunt
Over the wall, dry moss
In memories, nails of bygone rains
That stand, on the wall, having eaten into it
It still bears them, blind love
When the wind blew cold that night
You wanted me to hold you
Ihe heart visionless, my infancy
I have wept, since you left

Skyward

i watched the sun, drown into the sea,
over the horizon,burning the sea in a red of its own
i strecthed out my hand, asked it to stay
told it of my fear of the dark
it smiled and said the moon shall come
and i agreed to part
it was a new moon night
the sun had left me, like her
and the stars came out, twinkled
like holes in the roof letting the sun in
i remembered the sun, wanted its warmth
but the night creatures kept me company
it wasn't long before i made friends
wasn't long before they became mine
but the sun still satyed in my heart
i lay down to rest on the wet soil
i knew i was dying
but i wished to bid goodbye to the sun once
maybe it wasn't meant to be
so i wrote the suns name in my palm,
and died palms skyward

Given to fly

Animesh this one's for you buddy.

Given to fly
======================================
I flew kites once
Red, green blues
Torn, patched but they would still fly
They remind,
Of the shades my life portrays
Amidst the turbulence called life
Somewhere,
Far far amongst the clouds
My silver lining awaits
Shy but determined
To reveal itself
But will it show itself before I breathe last
I don’t know
Or shall I like Confucius die
And the then shall the world seek me
I shall not find the answers maybe
Nor do I care
I am here
Suspended into a living
Called life
A painful retreat

empty spaces

amidst the trickle of the blood
of my heart at the loss of my soul, my love
i am on the ground
writing your name with the ink of my blood
ceasing existance an inch each moment
i smile at your name
being dragged into the arms of death
and death doesn't want me
to be banished
to float into an eternity of nothingness
in emptiness of this body without a soul.

amidst the trickle of the blood
of my heart at the loss of my soul, my love
i am on the ground
writing your name with the ink of my blood
ceasing existance an inch each moment
i smile at your name
being dragged into the arms of death
and death doesn't want me
to be banished
to float into an eternity of nothingness
in emptiness of this body without a soul.

Silence of the past

I sometimes ponder at your thoughts
wander amongst your memories
about knowing you
so closely distantly
like acid on a limestone wall
melting me
eating into my soul
I am
as if
left out in the storm
under the broken roof of your memory's shelter
and the rain burns me with frost
I await
again on your path
in a silent past.

The curse

Some child of 5 ,
an apple of an eye,
on the road, calling mamma's name,
tears are gone, she's been living a torn life,
and then she finds heaven,
on her way through the pink dust,
she is on a high,
she is now 18,
and belongs to every one,
where are You momma,
she calls in the nights
as she sells herself ,
the curse of hunger

stumble

Ice
I fell on ice
I felt the blades enter my flesh, icicles below the roof
I bled, profuse, i watched the snow turn red
It reflected a face, yours and mine
In happier times
when I would watch you smile
watch you fade over the road homeward
i stumble even now
as we speak in memories
like i used to on the beauty of your presence
I still await your coming

The Lost Warrior

The Lost Warrior

It was pink
That day on the horizon
At Nasik
I remember that was the bluest
At thyssenkrupp electrical steel,
I was out,
My assignment MS project server.
I was lost in her thoughts,
That was the only pink skyline I saw,
I sighed
I felt alone
I tried calling
My reliance phone went off the network
I fumbled with it,
Tried calling her
On the display it showed one bar
I knew I was stranded
The only company , my class of 12
Those men, in their forties,
They sat, heard and learnt all I said.
I left on Sunday,
Back to her,
She turned her back ,
Women ,
Well,
But not all are the same,
I called someone,
She called the priest,
Together now,
Inseparable
My heart now under her ownership,
I forget the world,
Lookin in her eyes.

Me
Fun

Women
Fun

My valentine gift to her

My valentine gift to her

Lost to destiny.

Roads that lead nowhere
amongst the garden of my life
dry and dead the rose bushes,
that once were in bloom
death, She stated, I declined to comment,
i refused to be lead by the voice of her then,
i fought , my destiny failed me,
she haunts me oft,
in solitude, in the absence of her shadow's embrace,
she never personally would,
my life blood,
Now like poison of my vein,
Haunting me,
hurting me,
As I await for my final slumber,
I await to hear her one last time,
Calling my name.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Another areial view of a land of my creations }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]]]
Terragen

Loneliness

Stones, beside the river,
smooth, cold,
winter, I never was so alone,
she left, I was in the cold ,
no comfort, now nothing,
i lived, as her,
played in her eyes,
my dream was in her eyes,
she would dream for me,
A tear occupies,
a place where her absence whines,
the wind of her memories

My terragen Creations.
Terragen

My Paint
Heart

Resignation

On lonely shores,
where the river flows to the sea,
where the horizon spins vivid dreams,
and the water talks to me,

Where you oft talk to me,
While i listen with my lonely heart
Aching, like a death knell ringing,
Approaching, since eternity.

Lauded with pain,evading sanity,
I await, your arrival,
I am still waiting,where you left me,
lone, drifting homewards, each other's

I await to bask in your presence,
Rub the essence all over me,
Fom the air around you,
I still wait, wilt, in your longing.