Friday, October 21, 2005

Terminal velocity

Guyz and Gals who know me, here is a letter that someone wrote to me after she realized that i was too unromantic and insensitive.
I leave it for you to decide if she was correct.
All I want to say is if you judge me by my play of coy then i wont tell you the true self that i am.
Understanding and communication are two of my key areas, atleast that is what i have been respected till now for.

But hy tomato sent me this mail and I guess she was too correct in what I showed her. Well hey tomato, no mater what, I left not cos I was insensitive but cos I realized that I am too lethal to you, for you want a stage show and pomp, but I choose to be the silent flowing river.


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There is no reason why I should write to you anymore, nor is there any reason why you should receive and read anything from me..... But for the love I feel and the virtue of its truth and depth, I am here writing to you for the last time...

I wanted to give you all the love you deserved and more, to make you happier than you expected or wanted... but you just gave up and I think its happening for good... I mean if this relation is being more a burden then a source of joy, might as well cut it short than to get further involved and then quit at a later stage when it will be harder...

Hope your 'giving up' attitude does not rub off onto other areas of your life, cos at this rate, you're not gonna achieve anything, not even by 2009......

I am not wanting to put you down or discourage, just giving my perspective on this and since in all this dispute between us, you seem to have missed the point, am only looking to bring to your attention the real issue, so that perhaps you may want to improve on it and not lose the next time around... cos these are some basic things every woman would expect in a relationship...

I know noone can give you 'gyan' and if you've read this far, my guess is you may not continue reading it through... I will however, finish what I have started and therefore, will write on just so that even as we part, there is no room left for misunderstandings and doubts.

You think your inability to talk is the problem, you think I am expecting some sweet talks and yapping from you and that that will satisfy me, whereas am asking for 'communnication' - the two are poles apart!!

Is there anything apart from few msgs that you have done or said that really shows you love me? I mean, hey, you will say you don't need to 'prove' your love, but I say, you need to 'express' it in various ways, or else I will never know how and what you feel... sms/mails/cards/phone conversations/flowers/face-to-face/letters/in little things that you do/through the concern that you show/through the interest you display in the smallest things/by remembering to ask whether I did the tests (if phone not possible at least asking over sms for now and talk when phone conv possible) et al et al....... there is plethora of options, if you want to seek, to make someone feel special and loved!

But you only make sorry excuses for not doing any of it...... and the inconsistency of your excuses is not funny.... What am writing will perhaps put you on defense mode and you will perhaps not see any substance in my complaints, but ask aneeta and may be she will vouch for it...

Lets take the latest episode..... am sure you don't think you were wrong when you, despite the argument that preceded on the same point, didn't write ANYTHING for the 3 hrs that I was in the class. I mean how insensitive can one get. And like I said, I would totally understand if it were an isolated incident, but we've been having tiffs over the same issue since the beginning......

And to top it all, at 2145 after we've started a sms chat, you write 'let me know when you are done and free to talk'!!!!!!!! Asking that! when you are aware that after 2130 is out talk time, and when we had still not resolved the gap from our earlier conversation, I would imagine you to be impatiently waiting to talk and make peace.

But what I get on my 'lets call it quits' msg is 'do what u want, all I can do is love u...... mayb u better go you may find someone who would sweep you off your feet'...

I had said this earlier that if I wanted THAT I would have told you so and gone away quite earlier without you needing to tell me and wont have spent my resources over YOU! however, you only want to see and hear what you 'WANT TO', the rest is conveniently ignored. Well, there isn't much I can do when you are so weak and inclined to give up so easily.

...... and then you say you loved someone so desperately much that she left cos she got suffocated by your love..... wonder where that came from considering you say 'you just cannot express what you feel!'

And every time I have brought up any of these issues for discussion and resolution, you have either gone silent or turned defensive/aggressive or just given up....

Well, I guess 'giving up' does solve all issues, dun it?

So please take care of yourself and stay blessed
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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

though apart, i'm bound to you the wait will be rewarded the love will be returned.

juliet

Anonymous said...

After reading that letter, I agree and disagree. The reason I disagree is because in the letter she stated you were this way in the very beginning of the relationship. So she knew how you were. Seems she's trying to train or change you. Many women make the mistake of thinking they can change a man! Can't be done! And why would someone even want to change someone whom they SAY they love? Makes no sense to me and also sounds CONTROLLING!

The reason I do agree is because she stated some valid points on communication and how to express love to a woman that you love. Although many women make the HUGE mistake of thinking that a man can and SHOULD read our minds! Nope not gonna happen. Men are simple and logical creatures. You want something ASK, STATE, COMMUNICATE.
Also most men are LOST as to how to communicate their true feelings to a woman. Fear, caught up in self, logical and not romantic are a few things I can think of with most men. However I don't really know you that well Ritesh sept for through your poetry! By the way did you send her poetry? Cards? Little sweet notes? If not you messed up big time! Oh well chalk it up to one of life's little lessons and hopefully learn from the experience. *Hugs* Doesn't sound as if you're too crushed about it anyways ;)

On a more UPBEAT level!!!! Ready or not Ritesh BPC's Birthday BASH - Contest is tomorrow and I sure hope you'll be entering the contest and submiting some of your GREAT works :) *Huggles*