Origins
Are you not afraid of me child?
Does not all this blood scare you?
That this is your father on my lap dying in pain
And that I am the one who is as you see devouring him!
Asked the divinity,
A face of a lion under the roof of snake heads
Afraid? How can I be when I have not known its meaning?
Not known fear in any form since I have seen you
Always, till now when I looked into my heart
Now I am seeing you with open eyes
What is pain now, what is death, what is life?
I am in surrender
Says the child, transfixed at the face of the presence
What is the ‘I’ in me now lord?
The self is no longer what was
‘I’ and ‘me’ are no longer words with meaning
I feel like a drop of water in the ocean of you
But the ocean scares me, it seems so unstill, ravaging, storming.
How shall I let go and merge into it?
How will I find the ‘me’ when I mix in you?
I asked.
Fear not child, when you fall into me, you are me
And once me you shall not need to find the ‘you’
And then you shall know that you have finished your search
And that your fears are what led you to me
The ocean is calm and gentle; close your eyes that you see with
Open the eyes of feeling; open the eyes in the soul
And you shall see, but only if you surrender to me
I hear the wind speak
I close my eyes; I see the ocean now calm
I hear its waves gentle to the touch, like a feet stepping on lotus
I ask if I can open my eyes now, I hear a ‘yes’
I find myself in the lotus he holds in one hand
Sleeping like an infant, and him watching me, like a mother
He is my mother.
Labels: Phoenix Rising
Boom I exploded
Conversations with the self: What I dream of, what I am, what I forget myself in
That is what you are, what are you
Why does the mind in commitment follow on your trails?
And make my mind explode in a dust of the glass
Feeds me the happiness that is so un-consolable, uncontainable
The thoughts of you, one who is strangely unseen and unknown by large
Why does this mind wander in futile searches like such?
Is it the end of my so called self or is it the birth of a ‘me’ that I had hid!
I search to not find these answers, for their mystery feeds my veins
Fills them with the blood of your cravings
More often than not of why I should not think so
Searching:
I waited for you and you did not arrive
In my dream, and even with open eyes
I still did not seem to miss, but I missed
I saw her, I saw you, I missed myself
But I could not cry, she was with me, and you, away, but with me
I could feel the absence harrowing me, eating into my mind
Felt the blood in me go cold in shivers
Was it the cold in the air? It was not cold today though
Why should I turn 29 when I am 4 now at your thought?
Let me be in my own company, and be the company amongst me and her
Her I cannot live without and you I see in my living
How did all of this happen so all of a sudden?
Will this craving fade, like so many of the others that I have had?
I never could feel the emptiness fill me up and still feel empty
And to run away from all this, as if to forget
I stand out of my own self look at me; you have come as a question as me
When I am already in unison with her at soul
But I feel so lost when I am away from her
I wish for her, she like the air I breathe, like the light of my soul
And you like the soul itself
I do not follow these symptoms I show, or think of
My ‘self’ just ran off, it’s pondering away, at some distance
Is it at your desk space! Watching you? Then who is it that is missing my love
I do not know, I do not want answers, I do not wish to wake up
This is my trance
Labels: waiting
Its been long she said
Labels: waiting
here is to you
Someone left a comment for me and i feel that there is someone among those millions who likes my work.
"you must change your name. you are not "abominable nutcase". you are a sensitive and talented artist--a poet. please don't ever stop writing! peace to you, from nirtana"
Nirtana here is one for you:
Waiting
===================
Witness the scattering
amongst the broken clouds
the rays just seem to intoxicate
like they make my head spin
make me crave for you in passion
only to want more,
of you,
of us,
of unattainable heights,
of your arms,
of all that I seem to miss
Truth or dream
Its' open eyed
It awaits your rise at its horizon.
Oh I changed my name as well, hope you visit again and if you do add me on gmail its nair.ritesh at gmail.com
Voices
What could I say, make believe, fantasize?
When the world I see is not mine
Where are the things I miss, why do I,
And what shall happen next, why I think
And mention such, and so much that makes no sense
Debt ridden, doubt harboring, daft and desolate my heart
How shall I while away these thoughts?
The ones that visit me only a few seconds every minute
And spoil the the 15 left
With me ending up a worry wart
Is it me or is it my choices that has brought me here, left me behind
Or is it my ignorance, that I subject my heart to such callousness
I shall not find an answer, no one does, nor will anyone
I talk for myself, not you, not him nor her
Why does the heart feel so lost?
And left isolated again, and over
Amongst the millions of souls I own
Such to ask are vile and in vain, in a heart load of pain,
What shall I ask more than lunacy!
As I feel it’s set out to meet me already
Where will we meet, when shall we, somewhere deep I hear,
My heart thinks aloud, I await now, stare into space
In waiting
Fade, then elude me again
Appear on the horizon of my world
Look down from the corridors of the dreams
The one that i see with open eyes
I reachout to touch the image
Only for it to swirl and evade
Shall i fly, reach the heights , see those eyes
To find the colour in them , unknown to me
Or shall i fall, only to crave for it again
These are my questions i do not have answers for
But i shall find them
Find you, someday
Untill then
Labels: waiting
Butterflies:
I feel the warmth in a tear from your eye, she said
Chance meetings shall always bring me these when it’s time to bid goodbye, I said
Shall you always be so sad to see me distant, she asked
I shall not, said I, for this heart of mine may die soon in such limitless torture of your absence
Fancy words, I know these are not dear, but the truth, said her lips
But leave I have to for we have to meet again, she spoke so gently
I could have died and again, the sorrow would have never ended, I felt
Shakespeare was right, part we must, said I
The day rolled by
Like some boulder,
Falling,
Pushed forcefully, by the landslide.
The season was fresh as the morning past the first rain
She came back, in my arms, this time forever she said, when I asked
For in last hour I wish to be with you, for it is in your arms I wish to die
Watching your wings, flutter and fan me, in the one week we have of life.
